The Pony I Dreamed of Having - Sucked

Ever dream about having something and when you get it you’re gravely disappointed?

Meet… Candyman

I was a typical 6 yr old girl who dreamed of having her own pony. I just knew once I had one the world would be a much better and magical place.

It would be love at first sight.
I would run to him, clamber onto his bare back and we would run off into a beautiful flower laden field and stop for fresh picked apples.
He would nuzzle me, we would be the best of friends and we would be FREE – just my pony and me.

Yea, except that’s not exactly how it happened.

On the contrary, when I walked out my backdoor Christmas morning to the surprise of my life,
I was met by a big round caramel colored pony butt that seemed to follow my every move.
It felt as if he wouldn’t let me get near him, that he didn’t want to be bothered.
His head was low and there were no signs that any nuzzling would be happening anytime soon.

I tried to get close; I tried to feel comfortable but the truth was…I was terrified.
I didn’t know what to do, how to act or how to ask for help and I certainly did not want to admit I was afraid.

So I acted as if… I was fine.
He could feel that I wasn’t.
And so the pattern began.

He could feel my fear and trepidation and he acted accordingly. That’s what animals do.
They follow your emotional “lead”, allowing you to set the pace and tempo.
They wait for you to “ask” for what you want and then they “meet” you through their reactions and behavior.
They become a mirror reflection of what you feel on the inside.

Sound familiar?

We “tell” people how we want to be treated through our actions and through the mostly unconscious emotions and belief systems we carry about ourselves.

We set the pace and tempo of our life and the world waits accordingly to meet us.

For me, Candyman was the beginning of a lifetime of fear and trepidation.
Where I learned to be afraid of my dreams.
Not knowing that it wasn’t my dreams that were failing me… it was my expectations.
And the hidden emotions I carried before ever meeting him.

This was the beginning for me.
Where I began to drive others away through my shutdown.
Where I taught others that I didn’t need help and was fine being pushed aside.

This wasn’t Candyman’s fault…it wasn’t anyone’s fault.
It just happens…in a moment.
It happens for a reason.
It happens so that we may be carried to a safer, more desirable place.
It is hidden and eventually begins to deteriorate the very thing it was meant to save- YOU.

It often stays with us, knocking us over the head with different situations until we chose to turn and notice that the only one holding onto and recreating this “experience” is…ME….YOU.

And this can change in an instance…or maybe a bit longer…when met with love, patience and a desire to move on.

That desire has woken me up to dream again, ask for what I want and meet “life” more openly and ready to receive all that is on offer.

I no long want a pony, I haven’t for a very long time, but a new car that can drive me off to that beautiful flower laden field would be great and I am open to receive… all expectations to the side!