Divorce is Like a Roller Coaster Ride

Emotions come and go
Until they don’t
And then they do

That is what getting a divorce feels like
Emotions
Are here
Then gone
They are up
Then down
Leaving you to feel
Inside out
Upside down

It’s like riding a roller coaster
Where one moment
You are filled with excitement and joy
And the next
You are screaming
At the top of your lungs
For the ride to finally end

There are moments of
Reflection
Doubt
Judgment
Fear

But for me
Never regret

Three of the most wonderful days of my life were
The day I got married
The day I had my daughter
The day I had my son

Today I find myself in limbo
Agreements have been made
Separate homes established
New rhythms in play
But I must wait
Ride the waiting game
For papers to be signed
By someone who holds the key
To the gate of tomorrow

Making you stay seated
On the roller coaster ride
Of emotions
Where you find yourself
Screaming for it to stop
While watching the gatekeeper
Grin at a distance
With his finger on the switch
Taunting you
With every pass by
Going toward
Then away
From deciding when
You can get off

The feeling of someone else being in control
Of whether you stay or go
Is hard
The practice of being with what is
Is hard
Staying focused on me
My heart
My desires
My future
Is hard
While the gatekeeper
Determines the timing

From a distance
The gatekeeper
Appears to be doing the right thing
Until you stop
Watch
Listen
Notice
The game

He relishes in the control
Of having his finger on the switch
Standing in a place of power
Playing the part
Of he who welcomes
Tightens your seat belt
Offering well wishes
Making promises
That feel so sincere

Until

You notice
The tightness in your chest
The sweat along your brow
The dread in your stomach
As the awareness arises
This is not what he promised
He is not who he said he was

You scramble to find the meaning
To discover another way
Until you realize the seat belt is too tight
The car is running too fast
The switch is out of reach
The only way out
Is to
Wait
Breathe
Dream of another day
Wait
Believe
This ride is here for a reason
Wait
Have faith
It will stop
When it is the right time
For you

So for now
Just sit back
Allow the emotions to come and go
Because they will
Until they don’t

And know

This ride will end
Soon enough
When the gatekeeper
No longer sees you squirm
Gets bored with his game
And is finally ready to say
Goodbye